the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
