My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
