it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
