Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
