Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
