So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
