Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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  (505): I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled. http://tfl.nu/wz50
  Replies (11) Good night (2959) Bad night (647)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

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  (920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma... http://tfl.nu/z5wc
  Replies (15) Good night (1007) Bad night (5323)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.

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  (205): Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent. http://tfl.nu/5qhy
  Replies (25) Good night (657) Bad night (7371)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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  (440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt
  Replies (17) Good night (5045) Bad night (732)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

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  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (11407) Bad night (2359)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him

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  (856): Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him http://tfl.nu/33vk
  Replies (18) Good night (933) Bad night (5424)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.

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  (403): Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season. http://tfl.nu/yv9x
  Replies (9) Good night (2512) Bad night (882)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun

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  (337): I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun http://tfl.nu/exga
  Replies (0) Good night (1196) Bad night (660)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.

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  (662): Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well. http://tfl.nu/ilv0
  Replies (3) Good night (1219) Bad night (625)
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  (742): View more from

  All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.

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  (742): All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat. http://tfl.nu/3hf2
  Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (456)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him

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  (314): I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him http://tfl.nu/o7zk
  Replies (3) Good night (1076) Bad night (484)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?

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  (309): He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned? http://tfl.nu/05n3
  Replies (5) Good night (476) Bad night (1769)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking

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  (610): No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking http://tfl.nu/htwk
  Replies (5) Good night (417) Bad night (405)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink

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  (928): I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink http://tfl.nu/vd8n
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (319)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.

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  (908): She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid. http://tfl.nu/br32
  Replies (1) Good night (396) Bad night (247)

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