Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night