is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
