at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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