she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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