he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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