Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
