I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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