she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I will pee on everything he values.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
