dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
