This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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