SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
