Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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