shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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