k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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