I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
