He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let's paint friendship bongs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
