MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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