Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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