Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
