Small penises have feelings too.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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