my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
