he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
