Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He felt like a one man threesome
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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