So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
