My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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