she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
