i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
