She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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