You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
