dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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