A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
