Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
