I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
