You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
