You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
