Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
