i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
