Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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