i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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