I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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