chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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