If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
