Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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