She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
