Ambien. No doubt about it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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