I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize