This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
