Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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