i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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