So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
