KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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