"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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