we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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