I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
