just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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