It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
