i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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