Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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