i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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