Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
