I hate your face
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
