Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
