dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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