she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
