i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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