i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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