Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
