Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
